Nature, Up Close and Personal

I am awakened one night by the sounds of scratching – or gnawing – as if something was in the walls of my bedroom trying to chew its way out …. To get me!   Even my cats were on alert and staring at the wall.   My husband, used to the sounds of the old farm-house, assured me that it was probably just the bats in the attic.

Now I don’t know about you, but bats tend to conjure up pictures of huge flying creatures with large teeth, ready to bite my neck.  It is a little disturbing to know that these creatures were in the space just above me and it did cause some concerns.  However, my husband assured me that the bats had lived in the 100 yr old farm-house longer than we had been there and they were great at eating all the bugs.   And since we had a barn full of cows, reducing the bug population was a fair trade-off for me.   Besides, I’m an animal lover and bats are furry mammals, albeit with a Hollywood reputation.

Weeks later, I turn in for the night to do some reading in bed.  An odd shadow flickers across the pages of my book.  Oh My God – a bat is in my bedroom!!!   I immediately do my best GI Joe crawl across the bedroom floor (the distance seemed to be about 50 yards) to get out of the room.  My screams bring my eldest son to my rescue.

“Mom, what’s wrong?”  (Looking down at me as I crawl across the hallway floor)

“Oh My God, there is a bat in my bedroom!!”   (I am looking up at my son)

“Mom, what are we going to do?”   (My son is now eye level with me in the same GI Joe crawl)

“I don’t know, get Keith!”

Keith, my husband, tells us to go get a tennis racquet and hit it and kill it. Keith is not coming to our rescue; he is merely providing advice and instructions from the living room.  After all, it’s a Steelers’ night in Pittsburgh.

Kill it!   I can’t kill it.  I am an animal lover!  I dedicated my college education to Animals.  I work for a veterinary hospital!   What about that oath!?  I am torn, to kill or not to kill.

I get the bright idea that we (my son and I) are going to catch the bat and toss it outside!  I dash to the kitchen and grab a strainer, the kind with the handle; we will catch it in the strainer!  My son is game, and we quickly run back upstairs to the bedroom.

My son and I watch the bat circle a few times and then land on the lace curtain in the room.  We run at the bat and trap it between the window curtain and the strainer.   Fortunately, the curtains are hung on a tension rod so a simple tug releases the curtain and we wrap it around the strainer and run the bat outside where we release it.

A satisfying success – all is well in the animal kingdom (both humans and furry creatures).

Two more nights are spent catching and releasing bats that are in my bedroom.  I have decided to sleep in the living room – Keith is OK with the bats and sleeps just fine in the bedroom.    After a few more sleepless nights I go on-line for some help.  My search phrase…How to get rid of bats in the bedroom.

I find out that bats can squeeze through openings that are only ½ inches wide!   Just two years ago we finished a construction projected to add-on to the old farmhouse…obviously there has been some settling.  I also learn that if you open a door or window the bat will simply fly back outside.

I read through a list of companies that will help, but there aren’t any companies that will kill the bats!  They agree with my animal lover side (no kill, no chemicals) – they will move the critters to bat houses.  However, bats have a strong instinct to return to their old nest.  Who am I to argue with Mother Nature and over 100 years of a designated bat family homestead?  I figure the relocation process would be a failure.

These companies will cover the access opening in my attic when the bats fly out at night – but they won’t do it between May and August because the babies are nursing and crawling around and learning how to fly.  Let’s see…..this is August….can I wait another month?   Can I stand the thought of killing hundreds of babies by cutting them off from their moms?    NO – I am an animal lover (and besides, decaying bats will stink).

I find out that some bats are actually protected!  I may have an endangered species in my attic….creating a toxic waste dump of guano.  I also know that the threat of rabies is very real.

The next day, I am caulking every crack and crevice I can see, even those I can’t see.  I resign myself to patching cracks even in other rooms of the house – and preparing a window for easy opening for the next visitor.

Nights go by……and no more bats.   I relax.   I return to sleeping in my own bed.  I proudly recount to my friends my successful caulking endeavors.  I must have covered the point of entry.  Weeks go by, and then one night…..

“Meowwwwww.”  I am awake – my eyes adjusting to the night.  The cat is making noise.  Is it a bat???  Another meow.   I get the flashlight.  “Here kitty, where are you?”    I find my dainty Siamese in my open closet, next to my daughter’s prized Steve Madden pumps, disemboweling a bunny rabbit.

Oh my – Whatever possessed the cat to drag the body through the secret passage in the basement foundation, up the stairs, through the kitchen, up more stairs, to my closet?    I begin the clean up.  Next project on my list will be to cover up that hole in the foundation.  My husband suddenly wakes up and calls to me – “Beth, there’s another bat in here!”

I pause in my effort to bag the dead bunny.  My mind is spinning, the cat is meowing, and the bunny feels cold in my hands.  The only response I can muster – “Kill It!